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Hello....it has been awhile since I have posted, so I thought that I would shed some 'light' on the subject of 'lightbulbs'!

 

How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

1 to change the bulb and 1 to post that the bulb has, indeed, been changed!

 

7 to share their experiences of changing the light bulb and how it has changed their life and another 10 to state how the light bulb should have been changed differrently!

 

8 to argue over the terminolgy...some would prefer to use the term "illumination" while the other 6 argue whether it is "lightbulb" or "light bulb".

 

....with yet another 5 condemning those 6 for being "anal-retentive"!

 

2 Russian language specialists to debate the wording altogether....was it originally 'cvyet' ...'ahon'?! Whatever...something got lost in the translation!

 

12 know-it-alls to support the original translation of 'lightbulb'...or is it 'light bulb'? Hmmm?

 

half of the forum members to state that this is not the place to have a discussion about light bulbs...please take this discussion to a light bulb forum!

 

1 Administrator to warn that posting, does indeed, need to stay on topic and 1 Mini Administrator to create a new discussion forum! :D

 

the other half of the forum to defend this topic because we all use light bulbs...unless we are Amish. (Wait! Oh no! the only Amish forum member feels that we are prejudiced against candles and has decided to leave.... :no: )

 

3 to post to the group that they can no longer post here because of the controversy surrounding light bulbs (they secretly have them in their home :ph34r: )

 

1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again!

 

**DISCLAIMER** not all of the above hillarity was actually created by Sada, however, the names have been changed to protect the identity of those that are currently living in darkness.

 

Have a great day!

 

Sada

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S.

 

I'm glad you had a disclaimer regarding your post

 

I wouldn't want anyone to accuse you of "lying" or "misleading" anyone regarding light bulbs, lightbulbs, light fixtures, light sockets et al

 

You also may want to "step light-ly" because you wouldn't want the dour types to have their faces crack if they were caused to smile by your post

 

(Announcer - off camera) - Cue in 3, 2 (1)

 

This comment has been brought to you by seeking_truth_1 - Sponsored by Little Juans Burritos - Nummy goodness from Juan to all - Little Juans is a registered trademark of A Guy With A Burro Industries - All rights reserved

 

...aaaannndd we're out

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Hi Ligonier and Seeking!

 

I thought that some levity was needed around here! Although, Seeking, I think you have a burrito fettish?! :p Here is another one for ya'all out there!

 

 

 

How many Trinitarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

 

 

 

3....but they're really one! :blink:

 

 

Have a great day!

 

Sada

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I don't know if I would use that as an example, the elements are of different intensity, so they are not equal.........

 

Maybe this is leading to too serious a thought in this thread ? <_<

 

Or maybe I'm just :crazy:

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Seek n you shall find everything on the internet!

 

I know, :D you missed my rational way of typing ;)

 

Actually, if you look on both boxes, it says that the light bulb is to be used during activity....my conclusion?!

 

These are 'preguny' bulbs not 'postayani' bulbs...they have are to be used during 'activity' :D

 

if a = b and b = a and supposing preguny = something :wacko: then, it can be ascertained that you can't fool all of the people all of the time....or something like that :crazy:

 

So, the discussion of such luminessence will only provoke others. We do not want to be termed insensitive. :huh:

 

See ya later alligator.

 

Sada

 

ps Here is a warm fuzzy for you too Poops! :rolleyes:

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Okay! You talked me into it! Here is another thoughtful question about lightbulbs...

 

 

 

Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?

 

 

 

 

A: One, but it takes at least three light bulbs. :mellow::huh: :blink:

 

 

Sada

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I shall rename this thread...

 

Daily lightbulb jokes.

 

*poof*...(I learned that from the Administrator :D *winks*)

 

 

Q: How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

 

 

 

A: None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs. :lol:

 

Sada

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Good morning everyone :D

 

Here is the joke for today!

 

 

Q: How many wives does it take to change a lightbulb? <_<

 

 

 

 

 

A: Nobody knows - they're too busy trying to change their husbands. :wacko:

 

Sada

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Good morning everyone! It is a blustery, rainy, cold day today!

 

Here is the daily joke......enjoy!

 

 

Q: How many archaeologists does does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

 

 

 

A: Three. :huh: :blink: :wacko: One to change it and two to argue about how old the old one is.

 

 

Sada

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Oh, it's the funniest thing! How many does it take you change an office light bulb? 3....one speaking spanish, one speaking english and one speaking spanglish!!! This is happening right now in my office!!! So funny!!

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TK1.....

 

They must have been union workers... B)

 

Sada ;)

 

 

 

Q: How many Union Electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

 

 

A: Sixteen - One to give the bulb to the screw-inner. One to screw in the bulb. One to hold him on the step ladder. Four to hold the step ladder steady. One to flick the switch to test the bulb. One to make sure that the other bulbs in the room will need fixing. One to supervise. Two to take a coffee break, one to eat lunch, and one to nap and one to plot the best way of breaking into the business at night.

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I have been sooooo busy at work today....of all things, the front door knob to the office doesn't work, so they have to change it (true story!) so how many workers does it take to change my door knob? :huh: I don't know, they haven't recieved the work order yet, I suppose! I will let you know after I climb out the window to leave! :wacko:

 

Daily joke:

 

Q: How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A: It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.

 

 

Sada :D

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All I have to say is....Huh?! :blink:

 

Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

 

A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.

 

Sada :D

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Here is a 'two-fer' to get you going for the week.

 

 

Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.

 

 

Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

 

A: Five. One to change the bulb and four more to chase off the Californians who have come up to relate to the experience.

 

 

Sada

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For those of you that are politically minded.... <_<

 

 

Q: How many aides does it take to change President Bush's light bulb?

 

 

 

 

A: None, they like to keep him in the dark. :ph34r:

 

 

 

Sada

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Tk1 and ligonier,

 

I am glad that you enjoy the jokes...add some if you like :D .

 

Here is another 'politicus jocus'...that's Latin ^_^ .

 

It was actually a transcript of a conversation discussing the way that most people in Texas change lightbulbs. ;)

 

Sada :wub:

 

 

Q: Our guest today is Dr. John Lott, author of "More Guns, Less Broken Lightbulbs."

 

 

A: Thank you, it`s great to be here.

 

 

Q: Dr. Lott, how does private gun ownership prevent broken lightbulbs?

 

 

A: I`m glad you asked. According to my research, 98% of the time, lightbulbs can be changed by merely brandishing a firearm.

 

 

Q: That`s interesting. You are aware according to 9 different surveys, 21% to 67% of the time the defender actually had to shoot the gun to change the lightbulb. 98% is obviously much lower than any of these surveys- it implies that it's almost never necessary to actually fire the gun.

 

 

A: Yes. Well. I did this survey, but the dog ate it.

 

 

Q: But you've been quoted over 50 times using the 98% figure. If it isn't correct, people could be making very dangerous decisions based on your advice.

 

 

A: I know. But the conservative media will still vigorously defend me. Ain't I a stinker?

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Here is one for the fishermen (& fisherwomen) in this forum....

 

Q: How many fishermen does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

A: Five, and you should've seen the light bulb! It must have been *this* big! Five of us were barely enough! :mellow::huh: ^_^ :blink: :wacko:

 

Sada :D

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Sorry about the time lapse! I had to go to L.A. for a few days. Got back and had a hard time finding my computer through all of this fog .... until now!

 

Here's one for ya! :lol:

 

 

Sada ;)

 

How many Unitarians :ph34r: does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

 

Unitarians official web-statement :ph34r: : We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

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Q: HOW MANY UMCA MENS CLUB MEMBERS DOES IT

TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?

 

Member A :huh: : "What? Change the lightbulb? My great-grandfather donated that lightbulb. Do you know the history of how many miles he had to walk up-hill (both ways) in order to get that particular lightbulb?"

 

Member B :angry: : "Wait a minute buddy, MY great-grandfather told them not to use lightbulbs! But NOOOO! they wouldn't listen to him....."

 

Member C :o : "Before we support any change, we need to contact the Religious Comittee."

 

Member D :blink: : "Once, a few years ago, this same discussion came up....The light bulb is still out because they could not agree on a solution. So, they took a vote and decided to ignore the light problem and just have the meetings in the dark. That is why we all have to bring our Maglights from home."

 

Member A, B & C: "Oh! that's right!"

 

Member D: "I motion to adjourn the meeting! All in favor say 'aye!'"

 

All Members: "Aye!" :mellow::huh: :blink: :wacko: :D :lol:

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In all fairness I will make fun of 'us' too!

 

Sada :D

 

Q: HOW MANY UMCA LADIES CLUB MEMBERS DOES IT

TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?

 

 

MEMBER A: "Has anyone contacted the Men's club?"

 

MEMBER B: "Forget that! Has anyone contacted the janitor?"

 

MEMBER A: "We need to get approval before we talk to the janitor! You, of all people, should know that Memeber B! Why don't you just ask your husband, the President."

 

MEMBER B: {dialing the phone} "Hi dear! We are here at the UMCA for our Ladies Club meeting and...What?...a flashlight in the car?...oh. :mellow: " {hangs up} "He said that we can take care of it! ;) "

 

MEMBER A: "All in favor of contacting the janitor to change the lightbulb this Saturday, say 'aye'!"

 

ALL MEMBERS: "Aye!" :mellow::huh: ^_^ :o _vti_cnf

 

(Member C to herself....we already had a fashion show scheduled for that day! :angry: Why doesn't anyone ever look to see what we have scheduled?!)

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Member E B) makes a motion to bring it up in next months meeting whether or not to allocate the funds to the Maintenance Committee :angry::angry::wacko::angry: to get the job done, and, if it is truly the Maintenance Committee's job to be replacing light bulbs, or whether those who use said "room or area" :wub::wub::wub: should supply thier own light bulbs or otherwise "incandescent material" for thier class or function.

 

:crazy:

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ligonier, B)

 

I second that motion!

 

Sada ^_^

 

 

 

 

Q: How many procrastinators does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A: One - but he has to wait until the light gets better. :D

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Howdy ya'all! Put on yer' hip boots and jump inta' this one! :wacko:

 

 

Q: How many country & western singers does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

A: Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love she is with the new one, and one to go "Yeeeee-Hah !" and throw his hat in the air.

 

Sada ^_^

 

"Yeeeee-Hah !" :lol:

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Since we are going away for a few days, I thought that I would post a few!

 

 

Q: How many AOL users does it take to change a light bulb?

 

 

 

A: Eight. One actually changes the lightbulb, but seven more do too, due to a software bug.

 

 

Sada ^_^

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Q: How many teenage girls does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A: One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it. :)

 

{or}

 

B: One, but she'll be on the internet for five hours 'I.M.ing' all her friends about it. ;)

 

Sada ^_^

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Добрый день! :D

 

Q: How many Fresno State mens basketball players does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

 

Это было хорошим смехом!

 

Сара B)

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Привет! :rolleyes:

 

 

Q:Сколько российских президентов требуется, чтобы изменить лампочку?

 

A:Никто не знает. Российские лидеры не длятся пока лампочки.

 

Capa ;)

 

 

If you need it, go to this link for the translation:

 

http://translation2.paralink.com

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Ok Poopsqually,

 

I agree - it is cheating!!! I showed them the site last night, and I agree, they would not be using their minds if they got all their answeres there. I didn't let them continue using the site.

 

I said they can use it in an extreme emergancy to look up a word or sentance that the dictionary they used right now doesn't help.

 

But it's still a wonderfull tool to have!! _vti_cnf

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Boy oh boy! Leave you two in a room alone and look what happens?! :wacko:

 

Anywho....Here is another joke:

 

Q: How many rednecks :wub: does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A: Two, one to drive their home to the hardware store and one to buy the bulb and screw it in.

 

Yeehaw!

 

Sada B)

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{*The following joke does not represent or pretend to represent any beliefs of the Administrator or 'Super Administrator' of the molokan network and its subsidiaries. Reading of the aformentioned content below releases molokan.net of all liability. Read at your own risk.} Thank you

 

 

Q. How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to change a

light bulb?

 

A. Ten:

 

1. one to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed,

 

2. one to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs

to be changed,

 

3. one to blame Bill Clinton for burning out the light bulb,

 

4. one to tell the nations of the world that they are either for

changing the light bulb or for darkness,

 

5. one to give a billion-dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the

new light bulb,

 

6. one to take a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a

stepladder under the banner: Lightbulb Change Accomplished,

 

7. one administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in

detail how Bush was literally in the dark,

 

8. one to viciously smear #7,

 

9. one surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has

had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along,

 

10. and, finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between

screwing in a light bulb and screwing the country.

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Hello lookie-loos! Here is another joke! -_-

 

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A: None. You can do it yourself, ####rgh#**! Why is it that I am the ONLY one that knows where the lightbulbs are?! If I wasn't here, they would just have to sit in the dark! And another thing, why is it that....................... :angry:

 

 

Sada ;)

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Hello. :ph34r:

 

Q: How many kind, considerate and respectful molokan.net forum users does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

A: All three of them. :huh: You know who you are! :D

 

Sada

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Yeah, I know...this is such an 'illuminating' thread.

 

Well, in order to lighten things up....here is another joke.

 

Q: How many paranoids :blink: does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

A: WHY DO YOU ASK?! IS THAT WHERE THE CAMERA IS HIDDEN?! <_<

 

Sada ;)

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In honor of our great country... with it's freedom of speech, and all...America, let freedom ring!

 

Q: How many Administrators does it take to change a light bulb ?

 

A: Two. :ph34r::ph34r: One to change the bulb and the other to suspend the old bulb until it follows the rules of illumination!

 

the preceeding was an original joke brought to you by ...

 

Sada B)

 

Ya know I'm kiddin'!

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Whew! I gave myself a time out. ;)

 

Unfortunately, I got to thinkin' <_<

 

Here's another joke...

 

Q: How many pro-choice activists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two, one to change it and one to protest that the bulb was non-existant before it was lit up.

 

This is Sada...lights out! :ph34r:

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Hola' compadres!

 

Q: How many Chihuahua's does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

A: Uno! {but he always says} "Yo quiero Taco Bulb!" {when he is done}

 

See ya!

 

Sada :D

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Q: How many Sociologists does it take to change a light bulb ?

 

**{Doctor Bob is currently funded by a grant from the Association of MENSA Activists for the Freedom of Light Choice...aka...AMENSAFLC.}

 

Test group A: 'An integer of positive nature' to change the bulb, and the rest to behave in a manner stereotypical of their surroundings or react in the stereotypical manner to the controlled situation.

 

Test group B: (control group)....One :mellow:

 

Sada :lol:

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Q: How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a light bulb?

 

**hold on, I am putting in the 'Sweating To The Oldies' soundtrack...No! I did not say an 8-track!**

 

A: Five. Four to do it in synchronization & one to lead the group: "Turn to the left, to the left, to the left, and last one now, to the left, and take it out, and put it down, and pick it up, and put it in, to the right, to the right, to the right, and you're almost done, to the right..."

 

Sada :)

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Q: How many artists does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

A: None, they would rather draw it instead! :lol:

 

...........__,------.__

........../...................\

........./......................\

......../........................\

.......l...........................l

.......l...........................l

.......l...l~~~~~~~~l...l

.......l.........\,,,,,,/..........l

.......l.........\,,,,,,/..........l

.......l.........\,,,,,,/..........l

.......\..........l,,,,,l........../

........\.........l,,,,,l........./

.........\........l,,,,,l......../

...........\......l,,,,,l......./

............\___l___l___/

............)___,----'___(

............)___,----'___(

............)___,----'___(

............\__________/

...................\__/

 

 

...................Sada :crazy:

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Q: How many 'Gothic's' does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

A: None, they would rather sit in the dark!

 

FYI :ph34r:

 

**A 'Gothic' is a person who dresses completely in black!**

 

Sada

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This is for everyone that has to cross over the 'Grapevine'! ;)

 

Q: How many Cal-Trans workers does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A: Six, one to hold the 'Slow' sign, one to direct traffic to other side of the hallway, one to hold the 'Stop' sign to halt oncoming hallway traffic, one to change the light bulb and two to lean on their shovels as they watch the one changing the lightbulb.

 

Sada :)

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Lights on... :D

 

Q. How many forum managers does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

A: None, they just deny accessibility to the room.

 

 

Lights out... :ph34r:

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"Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into a flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light."

 

Author:Albert Schweitzer

 

 

 

Remember Random Acts of Kindness week....everyday of your life!

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Q. How many Shiatsu Massage Therapists does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A. One, but it hurts as she massages the aromatic oils to entice the light to shine through the burned out bulb.

 

**DISCLAIMER** DO NOT MASSAGE OILS INTO A LIGHTBULB...YOU WILL BE ELECTROCUTED....not fun :no:

 

 

Sada :D

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If the shoe fits.....

 

Q: How many religious zealots does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A: None, they just redefine "darkness" to fit into their idea of religion.

 

:rolleyes:

 

Don't worry, I wear sandals. :lol:

 

Sada

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Q: How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A: None. They would diagnose that it is experiencing a depression that creates the impression of a dark mood :ph34r: and prescribes Prozac or some other antidepressant.....we, as the family, must sit here in the dark and embrace this mood because 'bulb' needs to know that we will love him just the same as if he were lit?!

 

:wacko:

 

Sada

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Hello! This was a wet and blustery weekend! ^_^

 

 

Q: How many strong Russian menfolk does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A: 110: One to hold the bulb and 109 to rotate the house....{of course, that is a 1200 sq. ft. one story house ;) ...it would take few more for a larger domicile!}

 

Sada

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Hola! Como estas? Me llamo es Paco! :huh:

 

Q: How many egotistical Molokans does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A: One...he(she ;) ) just holds the bulb and waits for the earth to rotate around him(her)! :crazy:

 

actually 'me llamo es'

 

Sada :rolleyes:

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Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A: Two. The actor doesn't like to share the spotlight but he needs someone to say 'Action'!

 

B)

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Good Monday morning!

 

 

Q: How many aerospace engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A: None. It doesn't take a rocket scientist, you know.

 

 

Sada :crazy:

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Good Morning. :rolleyes:

 

Q: How many Chinese Philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb? <_<

 

A: Hundreds of thousands....Confucious say many hands make light work.

 

 

Ahhh! Seee! B)

 

Sada

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Q: How many Customer Service people does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A: **ring ring ring** This is Ranjit...how can I help you?...{blah bah blah}... Now exactly how dark is it?....{Blah blah blah blah....blah}.... Okay, there could be 4 or 5 things wrong...have you tried the light switch? {blah blah?!}....{click!}...(*grumble* :angry: ...blah blah.}...You're welcome...Can I help you with anything else?

 

{blah blah}

 

Sada :)

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Good morning!

 

Q: How many 1970's poetic hippies does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

A: Forty. One to change the lightbulb while wrapped in a crisp white 200 thread count flat sheet while

re-enacting his metamorphasis from cocoon to butterfly and the other 39 to snap their fingers in approval....groovy -_-

 

In the words of 'Seek'

 

Peace out! B)

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Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?

 

A: 7. Scotty reports to Captain Kirk that he "Canno' ge' anymore power, Cap'n!" When Bones arrives, he pronounces the bulb..."Dead, I couldn't save it, Jim! I'm a doctor not an electrician, #####hrmph!* Scotty, after checking around, notices that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he can't see in the dark to fix his warp engine. Kirk must make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Lightbulba IV. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red shirt security officers beam down. The 3 security officers are promptly killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty notices a Klingon ship approaching and creates a cloaking machine out of duct tape and paper clips, and escapes detection. Back on the planet, Bones cures the native king who is suffering from an ingrown toenail, and as a reward the landing party is set free and given all of the light bulbs they can carry. The Klingon ship flys by just in time for Scotty to beam up Kirk and the remaining crew. The new bulb is inserted, and the Enterprise continues with its five year mission.

 

:p

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Whew !! I was on the edge of my seat the whole time waiting until I read the whole thing to find out how that one came out.

 

:p:p:lol: ^_^

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